P.E.R.S.E.P.S.I

falling into the deepest darkest depth. if not succumb to death, it will reach the surface back. slowly, but surely and stronger. owh light in the sky and from the rock bottom, come please come. show the way up above, even    with the only dimmest flicker.

introvert. once something is not right, things will be kept inside. concealed thightly in a case with an iron lock. no one should know. it will be rotten alone and in 100% silence. when time comes, it may fade into dust, gone unnoticed. or it may decay into a pungent unpleasent smell, hated by many passerby. and both still hurt in a way u cannot control. please, just keep surviving no matter what.in

 Sometimes, we really want to go back to our past live. as for me, it was the time when in was in medical school in Volgograd, Russia. I think that was the most enjoyable period of life to be cherished. I want to go back to appreciate every moment spent, to do more, to travel more, to explore more, to talk and socialize more with peoples around me. And if there is one thing I regretted  the most, it was the chance to capture all these memories into pictures to be kept and cherished today. At times when we are tired of everything, those captured memories can ease the burden a bit, to put a smile on our face, and it felt like the old me pat on the back and say ' it's ok buddy, everything gonna be good' in this period of life as an adult, we are totally need to adapt, to adjust everything accordingly. We had responsibilities on shoulder, expectations need to be fulfilled, and money to be earned. ok whatever. let's meet the life ahead us.

 owh. masih di sini kita. masih bernafas dengan udara bumi yang sudah ada sejak dulu dulu lagi. seperti mana Adam turun ke bumi dulu2. itulah udara yang kita ada. cuma mungkin, udara hari ini sudah banyak tercemar. tapi partikel asasnya begitu jua, zarah oksigen itulah yang memberi penghidupan pada sel paru2, sudah tentu dengan izin Tuhannya. 8pm di laur waktu kerja. dapat panggilan dari so called boss (pakar) bertanyakan suatu yang langsung tidak urgent, disoal siasat macam polis. dalam hati Tuhan saja yang tahu, usah aku luahkan, nanti jadi hodoh.  ........... 5 tahun bekerja sebagai pegawai perubatan. yang pertama2 kalinya inilah kerja yang perlu dibanting bagi memutar duit bulanan. untuk perut2 yang perlu diisi, untuk hutang2 bank yang perlu diselesaikan. demi duit. demi duit. maka dalam kerja itu ada masa tekanannya, dengan kekangan yang ada, terutamanya politik tempat kerja, dilipat kawan sekerja yang suka mengipas atasan (itu bukan kawan, tapi parasit yang sangat hodoh ...

you are the slightest dimness that left, the flicker that are not seen but felt, in the total darkness that no light can penetrate, giving shadow of hopes that lay ahead, for the lost to find the way back, difficult and seems impossible it was, but you are slightest dimness that left.

tanggal 29 may 19, selepas 2 tahun ijab kabul diikat, allah mengurnikan seorang zuriat. entahlah, saat mahu melaungkan azan di telinga anak kali pertama , rasa terlalu besar pemberian allah. terima kasih allah. moga. dalam apa saja kegilaan dunia hari ini, pertandingan di media sosial yang lagaknya amat memenatkan, sungguh hanya pada allah berharap, agar dikurniakan kekuatan dan kejelasan jalan yang terbaik, bagi aku dan isteri mencorak pegangan dan akhlak anak ini, dengan intipati yang betul, agar setelah mati memutuskan ikatan atas dunia ini, biarlah anak ini jadi aset dan saksi kami di hari hisab nanti, biar jadi salah satu asbab untuk diberi nikmat syurga. selamatlah kau hidup duhai anakanda, Wan Izz Nuqman Wan Mohamad Atikullah.